You know how people say the PC never had good platformers? Those people are out of their minds. But I get it—when your only exposure to “PC gaming” is Minesweeper and some blurry memories of Oregon Trail in the school lab, you’re not exactly primed for this wonderful world of keyboard mashers.

But buried under all that VGA static is gold. Here are games made for the beige box, and nowhere else. Let’s dig ‘em up:

1. Bio Menace (1993)

“The CIA has learned that gigantic mutants are wreaking havoc in Metro City and their sources say that the destruction is caused by a scientist calling himself Dr. Mangle. For this reason, they send Snake Logan, the CIA’s top secret agent, on a dangerous mission: fly over Metro City, investigate what’s going on, then report back to the captain. Unfortunately, Snake’s plane is shot down, forcing Snake to walk the streets and kill mutants.”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/236/bio-menace/

2. Hocus Pocus (1994)

“Hocus Pocus is a young magician apprentice who has two goals in life: to join the Council of Wizards in the land of Lattice, and to marry his sweetheart Popopa. Unfortunately, both objectives cannot be accomplished without embarking on a long and dangerous journey to gather magical crystals on behalf of the wizard chief Terexin. The quest for career and love begins!”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/515/hocus-pocus/

3. Vinyl Goddess from Mars (1995)

“In the year 200 billion a small ship races across the galaxy taking The Vinyl Goddess From Mars to the esteemed intergalactic B Movie convention. In mid transit, a meteor shower strikes without warning and the ship is engulfed in a sea of rocks and debris. Badly damaged by the cosmic storm, the ship careens off course. Desperately, The Vinyl Goddess twists knobs and pulls levers to regain control. The best that she can hope for is to eject and let the ship crash land on the strange planet below. It’s up to you to help the lovely goddess find and repair her ship and collect all of her belongings before it’s to late to reach the convention.”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/1381/vinyl-goddess-from-mars/

4. Monster Bash (1993)

“The evil Count Chuck has kidnapped all the world’s animals in order to turn them into soldiers in his dark army. Johnny Dash’s dog, Tex, has been captured along with the other animals, and it’s up to him to enter the Night World and save him!”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/1008/monster-bash/

5. Xargon (1994)

“An archaeologist named Malvineous Havershim was studying strange ruins in Madagascar, remnants of buildings constructed during the age of a long-forgotten civilization of the mysterious Blue Builders. One day Malvineous spotted glyphs on one of the structures. As he attempted to translate them, Malvineous was hit by a wave of gas and fainted. In his dream, a talking eagle named Silvertongue tried to warn him of upcoming dangers. The archaeologist awoke in a strange and hostile world, unable to understand anything. With Silvertongue’s guidance, Malvineous will have to overcome all dangers and eventually confront Xargon, the tyrannical ruler of that world.”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/1057/xargon/

6. Secret Agent (1992)

“As Agent 006, you are the world’s only hope: the terrorist organization known as the D.V.S. has captured the blueprints to a new, powerful weapon known as the “Red Rock Rover”. Your mission is to infiltrate several islands occupied by the D.V.S. and retrieve each part of the blueprints. The shareware version only has the first episode available; the registered version consists of three installments, packed as separate executables.”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/982/secret-agent/

7. Cosmo’s Cosmic Adventure (1992)

“On a trip with his parents to every kid’s favorite place in the universe (Disney World, of course), Cosmo becomes stranded on a planet, his parents vanished. You direct him as he runs and jumps through different lands, such as alien tropics, haunted forest, ice cave, and future world, to find his parents. Along the way he encounters the various platform baddies that he must either jump to death in the classic style or destroy with bombs. Bombs are also useful for finding secrets. Cosmo is also armed with suction cup arms which he can use to climb up tall walls.”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/910/cosmos-cosmic-adventure/

8. Realms of Chaos (1995)

“Endrick, the warrior, and Elandra, the sorceress, have to travel through 26 levels, split into 3 ‘episodes’ to find the source of what’s corrupting the land of Mysteria. Endrick uses his sword to fight enemies in close combat, and Elandra uses a supply of gems to blast them with fireballs from a distance.”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/913/realms-of-chaos/

9. Claw (1997)

“Captain Claw, also called “The Surveyor of the Seven Seas”, is an infamous and successful pirate. The feats of Nathaniel Joseph Claw are legendary as is his ability to slip out of situations and find treasure. Frustrated, the Cocker-Spaniard Kingdom issues a gigantic reward of one million gold pieces for the Captain’s capture. This attracts legions of bounty hunters to Claw’s tail, and eventually he is captured by Captain Le Reux and imprisoned at La Roca. However, even in prison, Claw’s luck continues to work, as he stumbles across an old letter from Edward Tobin containing the location of the “Amulet of Nine Lives”, a mystical item said to grant near-immortality. Inspired by this new challenge, Captain Claw manages to break out of his prison cell and embarks on a perilous journey.”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/1123/claw/

10. Jazz Jackrabbit 2 (1998)

“Jazz the jackrabbit was just about to marry his girlfriend Eva Earlong, when his arch-nemesis, the turtle Devan Shell, stole the wedding ring. To add insult to injury, Eva’s hostile mother has locked Jazz and his brother Spaz in a dungeon. The two hares must escape, retrieve the precious jewel, and punish Devan for his evil deeds.”

https://www.mobygames.com/game/1348/jazz-jackrabbit-2/

So yeah—turns out the beige box had platforming chops. These games were killer, not shovelware filler. All of them have charm, grit, and sometimes suction-cup arms.