You don’t know trauma unless you’ve been raised by a bipolar narcissist with anxiety and anger issues. My dad was a master at sucking all the energy out of a room and ruining the vibe with his selfish, fear-mongering bullshit.
Know how you feel. I’m almost 40, and even though my dad has been dead for 5 years now, the feeling still won’t go away. The PTSD is so bad that loud voices startle me, and I can’t use a computer if someone is looking over my shoulder.
My dad taught me how to lie and obsess over privacy so I wouldn’t feel his wrath. I should be in therapy.
Nothing teaches you to sneak around better than an angry/violent parent. I learned how to walk around the creaky house at night silently and without a light on. Stay strong fellow lemmy 💪
my wife never understood how I could walk around our 100+ year old house without making a sound.
she brought it up one Christmas and my sister told her, “you know why that is, right? because dad was a light sleeper and would have beat our asses to death if he woke up.”
it really put it in perspective for my wife hearing that from my sister and not just me.
I’m on meds now, and it makes the anxiety manageable.
I have done the same thing, freaks some ppl out being 6’1. Your sister was right too, light sleeper fathers = beating being had, which is an odd thing since that act would wake them up way more then a creaky floor. Glad to hear I’m not alone though. It makes me feel better knowing there are other silent walkers out there :) is the anxiety bad some days?
it used to be. my kids can be loud and I was constantly on edge. it became a problem when I started yelling at them. I realized I was starting to do to them what had happened to me.
After a year of trying I was finally able to get a Dr to prescribe some meds and it’s been so much better. I’m not nearly as jumpy or quick to anger anymore.
feel like I can finally be a better dad than I had.
My dad treated me like a boxing bag for the slightest transgression.
I once squatted for an entire night. Squatted. Because at dusk, I was gaming in the middle of a room with a very creaky floor and then darkness fell. I was expected to be in my own room, and now I was trapped. Had to turn off the console as to not make any noise or quick movement.
Had my parents found out, they’d have flat out killed me, and that’s not an exaggeration.
Oh, and apart from the constant physical and mental abuse, I was never allowed to leave the house except for going to school, and couldn’t make any phone call exceeding one minute.
I got out of it eventually, but it took a lot of healing. My siblings’ lives are still completely ruined, though.
Replace mom with dad, and this is my childhood.
You don’t know trauma unless you’ve been raised by a bipolar narcissist with anxiety and anger issues. My dad was a master at sucking all the energy out of a room and ruining the vibe with his selfish, fear-mongering bullshit.
👋 hello trauma sibling
Same here and it all starts with them opening a door and walking in. I hate that I still think about that feeling in my 30’s.
Know how you feel. I’m almost 40, and even though my dad has been dead for 5 years now, the feeling still won’t go away. The PTSD is so bad that loud voices startle me, and I can’t use a computer if someone is looking over my shoulder.
My dad taught me how to lie and obsess over privacy so I wouldn’t feel his wrath. I should be in therapy.
Nothing teaches you to sneak around better than an angry/violent parent. I learned how to walk around the creaky house at night silently and without a light on. Stay strong fellow lemmy 💪
my wife never understood how I could walk around our 100+ year old house without making a sound.
she brought it up one Christmas and my sister told her, “you know why that is, right? because dad was a light sleeper and would have beat our asses to death if he woke up.”
it really put it in perspective for my wife hearing that from my sister and not just me.
I’m on meds now, and it makes the anxiety manageable.
I have done the same thing, freaks some ppl out being 6’1. Your sister was right too, light sleeper fathers = beating being had, which is an odd thing since that act would wake them up way more then a creaky floor. Glad to hear I’m not alone though. It makes me feel better knowing there are other silent walkers out there :) is the anxiety bad some days?
it used to be. my kids can be loud and I was constantly on edge. it became a problem when I started yelling at them. I realized I was starting to do to them what had happened to me.
After a year of trying I was finally able to get a Dr to prescribe some meds and it’s been so much better. I’m not nearly as jumpy or quick to anger anymore.
feel like I can finally be a better dad than I had.
My dad treated me like a boxing bag for the slightest transgression.
I once squatted for an entire night. Squatted. Because at dusk, I was gaming in the middle of a room with a very creaky floor and then darkness fell. I was expected to be in my own room, and now I was trapped. Had to turn off the console as to not make any noise or quick movement.
Had my parents found out, they’d have flat out killed me, and that’s not an exaggeration.
Oh, and apart from the constant physical and mental abuse, I was never allowed to leave the house except for going to school, and couldn’t make any phone call exceeding one minute.
I got out of it eventually, but it took a lot of healing. My siblings’ lives are still completely ruined, though.
Jesus, that’s some monstrous behavior. Glad you got out, I’m hoping your siblings can do the same.