The files need to be released already. That’s one thing I can agree with the cultists with
What if they gave a rapture and nobody left?
What if the rapture happened and the only thing that dissapeared were the Epstein files?
If only prayer worked. I bet we could get a lot of people to ask God to take all his people ASAP even if we never get to see the Epstein file. The world would be a better place.
Ah see it’s thoughts and prayers. You need the thoughts also, to make sky daddy do his thing
Wait people were taking the rapture seriously
My aunt is basically a crazy evangelical, and yes, she thinks we are living in the end times, and wants to usher in the end times faster so she can get to heaven. Its batshit insane.
It’s mental illness is what it is.
All religion is mental illness, it’s just so common it isn’t politically correct to tell that truth about it.
“With God all things are possible… Except the Epstein files, even God can’t help you there.”
I just realized…GOD is in the Epstein Files. Oh, it all makes so much sense now!
It all started with the virgin Mary, then God couldn’t help himself and created Epstein so he didn’t feel so alone in His diddling!
When Jesus said “suffer the children come unto me” that’s not what he was talking about
-Carlin
It was sick when he said it, and it still is.
Jesus loves the little children… all the children of the world…
God wants the epstein files
What would an all knowing all seeing God want with some files ?
Sure, okay, whatever, just release the Epstein Files. I’m not religious, like at all, but if that’s what it takes, I’m fine with it.
Metaphorically speaking, a rapture in the 1% will be possible if the unredacted list is shared. This will make a rapture in the government also possible… I never thought I’d ever agree with doomsday but here we are…
See you misunderstood the rapture, it is but children that think the lord is god.
Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken and the other left. Matthew 24:40
Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left. Matthew 24:41
Matthew 24:42
What lord do you know that has stripped the fields of their laborers? No regard of their ability or need to work, ungraciously taken.
God is greater than understanding.
God is Thanos?
It’s 2025 and the Daily Star is now considered one of the more relevant and trustworthy news sources. And not because they’ve improved themselves.
In our era, a new way of winning the race to be the British Newspaper with the most Journalistic Integrity appeared: just stand still as a tabloid with little or no Journalistic Integrity whilst everybody else just runs by you in the opposite direction of “better” on their way to Pure Propagand Outlet.
not even god knows what’s in the files? this does go deep!
Every time the rapture doesn’t happen they seem more convinced that it will happen in the future.
I really should get into the property market around the time the next rapture announcement comes out because surely they’ll be selling all their houses off right. If you timed it right you could go on a really expensive holiday and save money by not paying for a return flight.
I think I saw someone selling “rapture insurance” a while a go. Iirc they pay a one time fee to get on a registry and they would go around and collect pets that didn’t get raptured with their owners.
Don’t forget the annual renewal fee, by automatic withdrawal. Make it expensive, and do it just before Christmas.
That sounds like a nice little grift to get into. Usually I have to reject these ideas because I have a moral compass, but I might be able to ignore it to fleece gullible MAGA religious freaks. I don’t mind separating the money from racist, pedophile traitors.
Why make it a grift? Start reaching out to them to check in after each rapture prediction, and you can get word-of-mouth business!
Every time the rapture doesn’t happen they seem more convinced that it will happen in the future.
That has to be some sort of Logical Fallacy. If the rapture hasn’t happened yet, then it stands to reason that it must happen in the future. That part isn’t in doubt, it’s the actual date that is controversial.
I mean, assuming you believe the rapture is real in the first place. You have to make that illogical leap first.
It’s like a variant on the Gamblers fallacy. They believe there’s a chance, and so every failure means a success is closer
It sounds so stupid when you break it down like that.
And yet the gambler’s fallacy hits pretty hard to a lot of people. I know I struggle with it. We as a species tend to organize our world in the form of narrative and intents. Randomness kinda fucks with us in that regard.
That said, the rapture part is stupid. But there’s also more to it. When Prophecy Fails is a famous book on the topic
What? But the rapture was last night, didn’t anyone tell them?
“Oh, it was last night, and YOU are still here? Sorry, buddy, that sucks. Well, not for me, I wasn’t expecting it. I’m just happy that we’ll have fewer arrogant self-righteous Karens.”
They are more convinced. “When prophecy fails” was first published in 1956, it’s well documented.
Faith is such an interesting concept. Believers can make up interesting statements like this, but if this statement is true, then so is the following: God was okay with Epstein’s activities, otherwise God would’ve intervened. Right?
Naaah we’re just too stupid to understand how god operates. Don’t even try, just know that god loves you and shut up about Epstein /s
God is all-powerful and all-knowing. He knows the number of hairs on your head. Every touch, crime, etc. by Epstein was God’s specific will or it wouldn’t have happened. The Lord works in mysterious ways!
What if the rapture did happen but none of them were worthy?
Oh, please no. I so desperately want humanity (and the planet) to be rid of these people.
send them all to mars!
Then the muslims take their place
Bro is totally not racist and brings up Muslim faith unannounced, fucking weirdo
People of any race can be Muslim. When someone says “Christians are all crazy” do we say that they’re racist towards white people just because the majority of Christians are white?
So then why is it that when someone implies that Muslims are all crazy we assume that that is racism at work?
And it’s not exactly a random thing to bring up. Rapture is supposedly going to apply to Christians so even if it did happen, theoretically the Muslims would be left behind, and so in the context of the comic posted that says all the religious wackos are gone, he’s pointing out that they wouldn’t all be gone.
I’m lost on what is racist about this. Could you please explain?
What has Islam got to do with Race? I’m just saying that getting rid of Christians won’t make the earth into an atheist haven. Islam will logically take it’s place as it’s the second biggest religion.
The hell has this got to do with race???
take it’s place as it’s the
One of those “it’s” isn’t the same as the other.
We are used to him in the UK communities. He’s a well known prat.
That’s not a very nice thing to say ☹️
Hang on lads, I’ve got an idea.
Wow, covid was an extremely shitty rapture.
Even with god’s chosen president doing everything he could to get more people up to heaven…
explains a lot tbh.
Christians are almost always been selective about what parts of the bible they believe (or even bother to read) and this is an easy example. The bible makes very clear that the date the world ends will be known to none but god. There won’t be a warning from angels and humans won’t be able to figure out in advance. There could be signs it’s coming that people pick up on but someone saying “it’ll be this day on this month” will always be a lie. That aside, why would a Christian who thinks the world is gonna end sell anything? What will you do with that money in Heaven?
I have yet to meet a Christian who doesn’t regularly practice at least one of the 7 deadly sins.
In the modern age, just Greedy, Envy and Wrath are already common amongst the vast majority of Christians - I mean, if you want to punish immigrants becuase you think that “they’re taking our jobs” that’s already Greed and Wrath and possibly also Envy.
Then even the most pious religious people are generally Prideful, at the very least on how close to the Lord they thing they are and how superior their own moral and ways are.
Sloth and Gluthony also tend to be very common - you certainly don’t get overweight “epidemics” in a country without tons of people doing very little when they could do more (say, riding their car everywhere) and eating far beyond what they need.
If there’s ever a Rapture, nobody will notice because only a handful of people - most of whom eremits living separate from the rest of the World - dissapears.
That aside, why would a Christian who thinks the world is gonna end sell anything? What will you do with that money in Heaven?
it’s all carnies and rubes.
Even Jesus, who is God, sorta, didn’t know when it would happen. He told his disciples he would return in their lifetime.
Didn’t he technically return for a short bit?
He forgot to convert from God Time to mortal time. He was thinking they would live another couple dozen years or whatever, a thousand times as long as it took HimDadSelf to create the universe and speedrun evolution. Forgetting those the same kind of Days.
From what I understand this is a common misconception
The most common Christian apologetic is to say he was talking about the transfiguration. That fails because the language is clearly talking about his return. The early church clearly thought he was going to return in their lifetime. Also, the transfiguration a few days later. It’s weird to say “some of you will still be alive in a few days”
Would be funny if that’s what he meant
Its literally what it says in the bible.
There’s a lot of mental gymnastics Christians do to pretend this isn’t true, but that is transparent and pathetic.
That aside, why would a Christian who thinks the world is gonna end sell anything? What will you do with that money in Heaven?
They must not think Trump is releasing the Epstein files any time soon.
Well…on that front, they wouldn’t be wrong.
Sell car.
Donate to church.
GGEZ
Church: no re
I wonder if the inverse would hold true
If somebody “knows” its the rapture, then it must not actually be the rapture
Pretty sure it is a time when it’s least expected
This was like a slim minority of Christians
Oh I know. But there have been many similar slim minorities of Christians over the Millenia.
Yes… And?
I mean, “Yes…And?” Would have been a fair response to what you said
You do realize Christianity is pretty diverse group, right?
You can believe what you want to believe
If you hold a single text to be the very word of your god, and you use it to justify all that you do or do not do, then you must follow it to the letter or admit that you’re just a tourist. There is zero in between when you claim that the thing is pure and divine, cannot be questioned, and should be the basis for all your laws.
Christians just keep throwing out whole chunks of the fucking thing except all the parts that they can misinterpret and mistranslate to allow them to do awful things to people they don’t like for “reasons”.
My favorite part is how every pastor and many laypeople will have their own particular set of interpretations. Never mind that, at most, only one of those could be fully right, and therefore the rest are doing/believing some things wrong.
Although everything is like that. Some people have different political, scientific, philosophical theories about a load of things. It’s not that big of a deal.
Nobody thinks you’re going to hell for having a new idea about quantum gravity. Nobody has set up car bombs over whether or not plucked chickens are human. Political differences do have a very different history with violence, of course.
But when there is a large number of people who are happy to make me feel profoundly wrong for not accepting their deity, or thinking the wrong day is the day God wants us to rest, or who think plenary indulgences are or aren’t a good idea, or if Jesus abolished or fulfilled the old law, or if God thinks we should kill all trans people… we have hit a different territory.
These are not the same thing, and sometimes it is a VERY big deal. Literally life and death.
Nobody is going to hell for believing in Calvinism/Arminianism. Nobody is going to hell for believing in Memorialism or Real Presence. You go to hell for your sin.
But when there is a large number of people who are happy to make me feel profoundly wrong for not accepting their deity, or thinking the wrong day is the day God wants us to rest, or who think plenary indulgences are or aren’t a good idea, or if Jesus abolished or fulfilled the old law, or if God thinks we should kill all trans people… we have hit a different territory.
These aren’t necessarily salvation issues, although some beliefs may be signs of someone being unsaved (for example thinking they can buy their way into heaven or wanting to kill trans people- both show examples of someone who hasn’t been regenerated by the Holy Spirit)
Well, Ortodox Cristians for example, do as a matter of fact, believe you go to hell for believing in heretic shit.
If you hold a single text to be the very word of your god
Which not all Christians do. There are many who believe to be the words of human beings, just divinely inspired or significant.
Sure, but why do they get to pick and choose what is more important than the rest? How do intentionally bad mistraslations for kings and personal gain provide the basis for a religion? Even the best Christians I know, who don’t force their own beliefs on others, still consider themselves to be pro-life because of the bible, or if they treat gay people with all the respect a human being deserves otherwise they still believe beung gay to be a sin. Why choose that stuff to follow but ignore the mixed cloth and tattoo parts?
You(maybe you, maybe the general “you”) don’t get to pick what part of your holy text is important or not. That’s not a religion, just a theology enthusiast with potentially questionable ideas all of their own.
Why choose that stuff to follow but ignore the mixed cloth and tattoo parts?
The mixed cloth and tattoo parts are from the Old Testament, which many Christians believe was superseded by the sacrifice of Christ. A new covenant - Abraham didn’t sacrifice Isaac, but God sacrificed his son. No longer a need to sacrifice in the temple, no longer a need to follow dietary laws.
There’s nothing in the text of the Bible that justifies a “pro life” position. The only part that mentions abortion is an Old Testament verse about forcing a woman who is suspected of cheating to drink something that will cause an abortion.
The language used by Paul in the New Testament about gay men is ambiguous and could easily be interpreted to only prohibit pedophilic sex.
Several of “Paul’s” letters in the New Testament are known forgeries. It’s very easy to “pick and choose” to reject those. One could even reject Paul entirely.
It’s a text written in multiple different ancient languages. It’s not cut and dry always that “the Bible says this.” (Same with other ancient texts - most translations of the I Ching are absolutely bonkers in how they look nothing alike.)
Even if someone would want to call themselves a “literalist,” there’s clearly poetry and figurative language. I don’t think anyone has baby dear for mammaries.
You cannot flatten Christianity like this. The fundamentalist interpretation/“Biblical literalist” interpretation is really a product of the 19th century (as is fundamentalist Islam - these are both tied to more widespread literacy in the world). It’s not one coherent ideology you can throw r/atheism logical “gotchas!” at.
A lot of shit that is part of mainstream Christianity isn’t even biblical. The Satan and hell most imagine is more from Milton and Dante than it is from the text of the Bible.
Religions aren’t their texts - even the ones that purport to be. They’re centuries of folk traditions and interpretations stacked on those ambiguous texts.
You’ve proven my point exactly. The only text that christians follow, the one that is front and centre of their entire ideology no matter how they choose to interpret it, is comepletely full of holes. Without the bible there is no religion. What do you honestly think Christianity looks like, and where could you even find enough information on it, if you removed the bible and all references to it?
There is nothing without the bible, and the bible itself is nothing of you refuse to obey it to the letter. If there are clear lies they must be removed or else that is an edorsement of said lies contained within, and a willful corruption of the holy text.
And the extra funny thing is that the muslims believe in the same god and they follow the rules in the book. It’s the same guy but apparently all the people who don’t even live in the birthplace of the religion get a free pass to just go off and do whatever? Sure, ok.
Diverse, sure. But some statements hold true across most of that diversity. Almost every Christian individual and denomination is selective about what parts of the bible they listen to. Since some parts of the bible are contradictory, this is sometimes a necessity. But other times it’s just people being people.
I’m gonna write a book that contradicts itself, not give clarification on those parts, leave it up to the readers to figure it out, and base the afterlife on how right they were. Because at least some Christians think they are doing it exactly right, and they will not be having the afterlife they think they will.
You left out “pick the correct translation of that book”. There are people who are ‘KJV Only’ who believe that the King James Version of the bible is the only correct divinely inspired version.
Look, the list of corrections and amendments we could make to what I said could fill out a book of their own. The Bible of Why The Bible Is Fallible, or whatever.
